We all know someone that’s toxic, whether or not that person is a part of our past, or in our present. There’s someone at one point whom you felt close with, that this person was one of your best friends, maybe even a significant other, and you thought that without this person, you’d be alone. You’d feel alone, that you’d have nobody.
You and this person have fun together, but there are times that this person makes you feel bad for being who you are. This person also has talked a lot of s*** behind your back, and when you found out, it hurt, a lot.
This person always knows you’ll be there for them. Catering to their needs, being there when it’s most convenient for them. But wait a minute…what about you? When you need a friend, this person makes excuses not to be there for you. HOW is this person a friend?
Take a minute, breathe, it’s going to be okay. When I first had this realization about my “friends”, I went haywire. Was I not deserving of decent people in my life to be there through the hardships? Of course I am, everyone is.
These weren’t the right people, and I knew I had to get them out of my life. That’s a hard truth that I had to deal with in my last year of college.
This is something everyone will go through. You will have someone in your life, and they will hurt you. They’ll talk you down, and if you’re happy, they’ll make you feel bad about being happy. And if you’re sad, they’ll make you feel worse about being sad. And at one point, you have to end it. A friendship, a relationship, whatever toxic relationship you have in your life, get it out. Trust me, you will feel SO much better. Cleanse yourself from the negative and focus on the positive.
Surround yourself with positivity. Be around others who are going to cheer you on through your successes, but also be there when things go south. Those are the types of people you want in your life. Do not settle for fakeness, or people who think they are better than you. Have people in your life you WANT to be there, to hang out, talk, or even just go do a yoga class together after a stressful week. Because everyone is just as special as the next person.
“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth, just like you did.” - Unknown
Emily Huxford brought this unknown quote to my attention and it definitely sparked some interesting thoughts, and Emily’s thoughts about this are spot on:
“This is so true and it’s something you don’t necessarily realize when you finally build up the nerve to cut a toxic person out of your life. You often times don’t just lose one person- you lose a few. You remove the main source of negativity, but then you realize that this single person’s negativity has overflown to contaminate other people, and you have to remove them too. In the end, you often lose more than one person. It takes so much courage to remove a toxic person out of your life. It took me years to realize that certain friendships weren’t in my best interests – rather than building me up and supporting me, my toxic friends were ripping me down every chance they got, and I didn’t even realize it. I let their negativity seep into my life and make me a negative person as well. Once I realized the source of my negativity and I built up the courage to remove that person from my life, EVERYTHING changed. I’m a firm believer that you take in the type of energy that you put out- meaning that I was putting out negative energy and in return, that’s all I was receiving in my life. Once I removed my toxic friendships, I started putting out positive energy, and suddenly my life took an amazing, enlightening, and positive turn! I put out positivity, so positivity is what I started receiving back."-
More people deal with toxic relationships than you think, here’s some intake on my friends’ personal experiences with toxic people in their lives and how they’ve dealt with them:
Everyone always tells you “You could do better” “I don’t like how they treat you” or “He/she is a ____ “But its way easier said than done. There’s always excuses like “She had my back for years” “things were so good in the beginning” or “she’s not that bad, you don’t know what its like all the time”. But after a while, you start to see what everyone else does. The glasses come off and you see the character flaws in someone, whether it’s a romantic partner or just a friend. One of my experiences with toxic relationships involved girls I had been friends with almost all of college. They only cared about drinking, partying, and themselves, while I had bigger things on my mind. After all the petty comments, posts on Instagram, and lies being told about me I was finally done. I was finally sure of myself for the first time probably in my life and while it hurt and it was hard, I am not at all sorry that I decided to leave their juvenile behavior behind. However, it turned out to be better for me. Thoughout that experience I learned it’s ok to outgrow people and it’s ok to miss people. However, the most important thing is to do what makes you happy. Because YOU are with yourself forever so your own happiness is really the most important thing.
- Sarah Schreiber
“If a friendship causes you more stress than enjoyment, it’s not worth it. Ending a friendship can be one of the hardest things you ever do, but keeping someone in your life that makes you upset more than they make you happy is harder.”
- Leigh Caulfield
After I graduated from college and moved to Charlotte, everything got better. I was closer to Mariel, and became involved with the BBG Community in Charlotte, which has opened so many doors for beautiful friendships and so many women who inspire me to be a better person everyday. I also reconnected with one of my friends from college, Sarah Saxon, who has been nothing short of amazing and has brought so much happiness and joy into my life. Find people who bring joy to your life, not stress. It may take awhile, but the wait will be worth it.
My THINK family and the BBG community has brought so much positivity into my life. I am so grateful for EVERY human who has been a part of my journey to lead a more positive-filled life. All the ladies who a part of THINK and the BBG community each has their own unique personality, and that’s what makes them so special. To you ladies in THINK and BBG I owe you everything. Thank you and your beautiful souls for making life sweeter and filled with positivity and happiness.